Tuesday, September 25, 2018

Mike Zone writes

3:48 am.

Awoke from a dream
dream of my cat - awakening me
softly driving fangs into my ankles
before that mattress shopping - with my mother and father
she looked healthy, spry, thinner
a vibrant hue not bloated by medication
choking through bleeding lungs
3:48 am. awoke from the dream
in empty place - where mom and cat are dead
not passed away - dead
there’s really no beauty in the desperation
of searching it all for a higher meaning
I knew she was not be coming back
As soon as I gazed upon her glazed eyed corpse
naked - ashen - sagging
in the center of the bed
even after they revived the body
I knew she would not be returning
she died again in the ambulance
over and over in the ER
even after we decided against
still they tried
tube rammed down throat
blood shooting up/out in the air
male nurse with possible homosexual tendencies
forcing my father’s hand into my mother’s corpse hand
until it “passed”
me with a cup of coffee - numb
feeling like a sociopath
feigning weakness in the knees - gripping a railing
expression - it’s what people do
pretending to reach out - retract hand from my father’s shoulder
male nurse erotically stroking my neck
in ruse of consolation
weeping young woman new to the job
gripping clipboard - tears - distraught at my loss
and I’m wondering “2 months ago on this day, I made the decision to put my cat down….
is that why it was so easy? to lie…
to say we had this specific discussion before?”
next thing y’know - they take us to a wood paneled room
so - we can view the body
have something to eat, drink
because in America we want to look at our mother’s body
over some cheese and crackers, maybe some fruit
Hell, I guess I had a cup of coffee…
but we declined under another lie - something about
how my mother didn’t want us to see her that way
I just saw her corpse - I know she’s dead
the cheese and crackers aren’t needed to prove it
her friend got all hysterical when I broke the news
she offered to cook for me
the last thing I really want is a meal
you probably should have visited your friend at some point
before she died
a couple of my friends dropped by
others nearby or in town offered condolences
one asked if there was anything they could do
nearing one year later…
haven’t heard from any of them
strangers even in town
one of them had quite a misfortune recently
expected a sense of sympathy
maybe a little comfort
shuddered when they received the direct opposite
felt something inside me for the first time in months
an elevated warmth
just not quite sure - what it is

A group of people, including children, looking through glass to identify cadavers (a double suicide from England) on view.
 "a show that was affordable to all" -- Émile Zola


  1. The Paris Morgue was one of the city's major tourist attractions in the 19t century. Whenever a newspaper reported a particularly gruesome, or sentimental, death, tens of thousands of people would crowd into the morgue to view the corpse. It was designed to attract as many visitors as possible in order to identify the bodies more easily, so it was conveniently located by the cathedral of Notre-Dame and open every day from dawn to dusk. 50 people at a time could view 2 rows of corpses on stone slabs behind glass windows.

  2. Lamentations 3:48:
    My eyes run with rivers of tears over the destruction of my cherished people. [International Standard Version]


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