Saturday, May 19, 2018

Donal Mahoney writes

The Odyssey of Pastor Harold Schnabel

Listen up! It's Deacon Simon here, 
reporting on Pastor Harold Schnabel,
the minister we long ago defrocked.
Remember how he went to Holland
years ago. Hard to believe but 
he's coming back a millionaire 
who made his money   
running a bordello for midgets 
with Peyronie's Disease
in downtown Amsterdam.

He hired his staff carefully, 
favoring double-jointed women who 
understand the geometry of angles, 
isosceles and otherwise. 
He's coming back to take advantage 
of an American Renaissance 
in porkpie hats. He says men 
will wear them once again 
this summer and possibly forever. 
It will be the same porkpie hat 

made famous by Buster Keaton,
the beloved comedian, 
who for years was chief custodian  
in Harold's congregation, long before 
we deacons finally defrocked him
for simony, calumny, 
heterosexuality and serial fraud.
Anyone who thinks Harold's wrong 
about an American Renaissance
in porkpie hats needs to remember

the startling success he's had 
running that bordello for midgets 
with Peyronie's Disease. 
The staff of ladies he recruited
made Harold a millionaire.
We defrocked him for cause but 
he's an entrepreneur extraordinaire.
He knows midgets and porkpie hats. 
So, please, join me at the airport 
Sunday morning after services

so we can make Harold's return
to our beautiful city a boffo event.
He's giving out free porkpie hats
to everyone who comes to greet him.
And big discounts to all midgets
with Peyronie's Disease planning
a trip to Amsterdam this Spring
to admire--what else?--the tulips.
There will never be another Harold.
Let's welcome Pastor Schnabel home. 
Related image
 Image result for buster keaton paintings

 A Tribute to Buster Keaton -- David Wiemers


  1. Peyronie's disease is a connective tissue disorder involving the growth of hardened, big, cord-like lesions (scar tissue known as "plaques") in the soft tissue of the penis. the scar tissue forms in the tunica albuginea, the thick sheath of tissue surrounding the corpora cavernosa, the pair of sponge-like regions of erectile tissue which contain most of the blood during an erection. The condition causes pain, abnormal curvature, erectile dysfunction, indentation, loss of girth, and shortening. It is not uncommon for men afflicted with the disease to exhibit depression or withdrawal from their sexual partners. The underlying cause is not well understood but is thought to be caused by trauma or injury to the penis usually through sexual intercourse or physical activity. The condition was 1st described in 1743 by François Gigot de la Peyronie, the first-surgeon to Louis XV "the beloved" of France. After 1738 the king stopped having sex with his wife after she bore 10 of his children; in response, he stopped taking the sacrament or going to confession until his and took a series of mistresses including Jeanne-Antoinette Poisson, the marquise de Pompadour, who guided him unwisely in matters of state for 2 decades, and then by Jeanne Bécu, the comtesse du Barry, whom his heir's wife Marie Antoinette called "the most stupid and impertinent creature imaginable" and was guillotined in 1793.

  2. "Citizen Kane" is generally regarded as the greatest American movie ever made, but its writer/producer/director Orson Welles regarded "The General" (1926) by Buster Keaton to be the greatest film ever made. Keaton was an actor, comedian, director, producer, screenwriter, and stuntman who revolutionized the industry in the 1920s. He was particularly associated with the pork pie hats he designed by cutting down a Stetson and stiffening its brim with sugar water; he made thousands of them during his career, usually destroying 6 or more of them doing his stunts during the making of his movies.


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