C.b. Roberts writes

Just

They're just memories,

So why can't I forget?

Constantly reminding me,

Always ending in regret.

They were just moments,

So why do I relive?

Frozen in time,

It's me I can't forgive.

They were just conversations,

So why do I replay?

Now they’re bottled up inside,

And I have so much more to say.

They’re just feelings,

They'll go away in time.

Though I'll always wonder, what if,

Another place, another time.

You are just the only one,

There still could come another

That will love me as I love you.

God knows I love you like no other.

It was just a heart,

Deserving to be broken.

Shattered by the words

That forever remain unspoken.

It was only love,

It only drove me to my knees.

Rendering me hopeless

Like an incurable disease.

Never again will I surrender.

Never again will I fall.

Nothing left for me to give.

It was to you…I gave my all.

C.b. Roberts writes

I Saw You Today

Some days more than others,
But every day nonetheless,
I miss you in ways I can't explain
Though I tell myself it's for the best. 

I saw you today
Though I didn't say a word.
I watched you with him
Until my vision blurred. 

So much came to mind
That I really wanted to say.
Like so many times rehearsed
Should I ever see this day. 

But I stood there frozen,
Pretending to be fine.
Reliving a thousand memories
As you walked away one more time.

I couldn't help but wonder,
Would there ever come a day?
Would I ever escape this prison?
Or am I destined to remain?

While you faded into the distance
With my heart, my hope, my chance.
Filled with dread I faced my demons
Who once again came out to dance. 

The torment has returned,
It haunts my very soul.
I fight to breathe, for sanity I plead
While I slowly lose control.

 
--Mehmed Sivah-Kalem

C.b. Roberts wtites

Transformation

I'm not afraid of dying, 

Sometimes I'd welcome the relief. 

It's the living that scares me, 

Always stalking me like a thief.

To take a chance, 

To say how I feel. 

Possibilities of rejection, 

The pride that it would steal.

I'm forcing myself to become cold now, 

With not a care in the world. 

Packaged up nicely, 

My heart is now furled.

Bottled inside, 

Anger starts to seethe,  

When love isn't returned, 

It’ll force you to your knees.

Contentment turns to resentment, 

Acceptance to pure hate. 

Caged by too many questions, 

I lie trembling at the gate.

I'll raise up a new me, 

Stand broken in chaotic glory. 

Forever a pillar of strength, 

With silent lips, I'll tell my story.

Overflowing with emptiness, 

Nothing to feel, nothing to give. 

I'll accept that I was weak, 

It's myself I have to forgive.

I’m not afraid to fight alone, 

I don’t care what anyone thinks. 

This is me after the fall, 

After forever on the brink.

My demons are unleashed now, 

They're wreaking havoc on my soul. 

It's with a sigh of acceptance 

I relinquish all control.

I hand over the reins, 

I brace for the ride. 

Let today mark the day, 

The man you knew has finally died.

 

C.b. Roberts

A Night to Remember

Your pictures scattered
On the bedroom floor.
I stand here trembling,
Staring at the door. 

Do I dare go in?
I know what awaits me.
Though it's a night I planned,
The pain overtakes me. 

A bottle of rum
To dull the pain.
Slumped in the corner
The tears fall like rain. 

I close my eyes
And let my mind drift.
Remembering when
And wondering what if. 

I don't come here often
It's just too hard.
The sweetest of torture
Always leaves me scarred. 

But every once in a while
I have to surrender.
Go back in time
And take a night to remember.

Frozen,
I long for yesterday.
What I wouldn't give
For just one more day. 

My glass explodes
Against the bedroom wall.
The bottle does follow
And it's your name I call. 

An overturned nightstand,
The bed on its side,
Do nothing to calm me,
I’m in for a wild ride. 

Consumed by anger,
Things I can't change.
Helpless and hopeless,
Feeling shortchanged. 

Like a madman, I destroy
Everything in my sight.
Needing to punish,
I need this wrong made right. 

I hate everything about you
I just want to forget.
Go back to before you,
Not knowing, no regret.

I hate your smile,
The way it's engrained in my memory.
The way it made me feel,
The way it always calmed me.

I hate your eyes
And how they would shine.
The way they lit up
When I called you mine. 

I hate the very breath you breathe,
The way it felt on my skin.
After a night spent loving,
Cuddling, we'd bring the morning in.

Yes, I hate everything about you,
You're everything I've ever wanted.
I hate that I once had you
And now I'm left feeling daunted. 

Your memory is always calling me,
Pulling me back in.
Demanding that I visit
What we were, and could have been.

A crumpled picture in my hand,
My rage reduced to a burning ember.
I've made it one more time,
Through another night to remember.

C.b. Roberts writes

Escape

Silent cries of the soul 

Pierce the moonlit night. 

Singing the songs of agony 

From wrongs that can't be made right.

A choir of fallen angels 

Lift their voices tonight. 
The solemn sounds of desperation, 
In harmony…they unite.

Lyrics that can't be heard, 
Only felt with each tear cried. 
The melody of the lonely 
Lives on when the tears have dried.

Sing to me now, 
For you this night was made. 
The echoes of your hymn, 
A tragic serenade. 

Haunt me, comfort me, 
Sing your lullaby. 
Drifting off to sleep, 
I bid this world goodbye.

The ghosts of memory lane 
Gently sway and hum along. 
In me they do confide, 
As they sing my exit song.