Vernon Mooers writes

THE WHITE MAN'S GRAVEYARD

chapter 18 (1)

They walked up the main street in Luxor, found the alley and walked into the Nile Navigation Company office. It was early morning and there was not yet a line-up at the counter. A large man with a pencil-line mustache sat there bulging out of a chair behind the counter.

"We want to go to Aswan," Alex said, "by steamer."

The man brushed a fly from his nose.

"The boat does not go until four o'clock."

"We'd like to buy our tickets now."

The large man finally swivelled in the chair to face them. He looked at the baby. "You pay for two tickets. The child is free. The fares are there." He gestured toward a list on a blackboard that read: Deck E2.89, 2nd Class E7.19, First Class E8.97. "I would not recommend Deck for you. It is crowded and there is little room to sit down."

"What is Second Class?"

"There is a cabin. It is shared. There would be room."

"We'll take First." He handed the large man two ten-pound notes. "Leave the change." It was one pound, ninety-four piastres. It would be enough to guarantee the cabin.

"It takes two nights. The steamer is at the dock. Go early. There is also sweet tea for sale, foul, falafels, bread, but you better take your own food."

"Thanks."

"Have a nice voyage," the large man smiled. He watched them go out the door.

Outside, Alex looked at the tickets. They were First Class alright. He shoved them in his pocket.

"It will be something," he said to Elizabeth who was letting Anna try to walk along by herself now.

On the street, he took the sling from Elizabeth, put Anna into it, gave her a kiss. She was not very heavy. "It will be getting hot soon," he said. "She can have a nap in the hotel. The overhead fan will keep us cool if the windows are closed." 

 "Is it hard to work here?" Elizabeth asked. It was the first time she'd seemed interested or concerned with anything besides Anna's needs.

"Not so bad. They say Saudi is the worst. No freedom. You need a driver there. Women can't go out anywhere. It's not so bad here. Still, I'd be afraid for Anna. The water inside Cairo is potable. Here, it isn't. Then there's the heat and dysentery. Anyway, the road will be completed in a few more months. I'll get leave. I don't know if we'll get another contract." He wanted her to say that he should come home, look for something else, even in another line of work.

Alex wanted to try to close the distance. Wanted it to be something maybe it couldn't. He was confused. If he went back to England Elizabeth might resent him, resent him not having work. He was not sure he was ready to be cornered in that house, in a situation that might lead him to try too hard. There was no winning. He was in a flux, indecisive, on the verge but not ready to take the risk.

Alex really hoped things could work out. He did not want to lose. Nor did he want to give up. It was all tentative, unstable, up in the air yet. He felt the weight of pressure straining his mind.

"Nigel was over last week. He said we got a good deal on the house. The prices up in London are crazy now."

"Anyway, we have a house," he answered.

"I found a nursery school Anna can attend later on, even a day a week, just to mix with other children. We went there. It seemed very good. I might start on my art again when she does. I have some ideas for sculptures. There are several shops there I could sell them at."

"Watch out --" Alex nervously jumped aside. A lorry had wheeled near them. "Stupid reckless drivers here. You take your life in your hands going out on the roads."

"Can we get a drink?"She had spotted a shop ahead with some tables outside under an overhanging awning.

"We'll get out of the sun anyway, see what they have."

They sat down at one of the tables. A man came out and asked what they wanted. There was a choice of coffee or sweet tea. He ordered a tea for Elizabeth and coffee for himself. He'd become accustomed to the strong Arabic coffee. It made him perspire and cooled him off. Elizabeth had bottled juice in her bag for Anna who sat on a chair between them.

"Are you enjoying the trip?" he asked.

"It's enlightening. If Anna will not get sick, I will."

There it was again. Three years ago she would have talked about architecture and art. Now, everything was Anna.

"They say the boat ride is quite beautiful. It will be much cooler on the water."

"Yes, it is very hot," she said. "I'm afraid Anna might develop a heat rash but she seems to be alright so far."

"She will be fine." It seemed as if Anna was the only thing they talked about any more, the only thing they had in common. It depressed him, made him feel left out. "We should start back to the hotel."

Elizabeth got up. "Come, baby," she reached for Anna.

"I'll take her, it's a good walk yet." He put Anna in the sling again and put his arm around her. She was warm against his chest.

In the hotel they walked up the stairs to their room.  They hadn't brought much luggage from Cairo. It should be easy, he was thinking. Anna was handling the trip well. She didn't mind the heat. He was glad they had come over.

The project he was working on wouldn't be completed until May. They would fly back from Aswan in a few days, rest in Cairo a couple of more days, and then they would be gone. He wouldn't see them for months again. Still, it was good to share it all with them. They had thought the baby might slow them down, make it difficult. Alex remembered when they'd first gotten married, he hadn't wanted the birth to change their lifestyle too much, just an adjustment here and there. It had seemed possible to do it that way. Elizabeth stayed with Anna in the house they'd bought. It was almost paid for now. But there were sacrifices to make. There was still no work in England for young engineering graduates. He had to work abroad. He didn't get back that often. Now, he'd taken time off for their visit and he was O.K.

"You should have a nap," he said. "It will be tiring if the boat is crowded."

"I think I will." Anna was already asleep on the bed.

Alex sat in the chair observing Elizabeth as she rested. Anna was tucked in beside her. They were both asleep now. It might be two hours before he had to wake them. He had time to study them, think about things. They were together there -- he outside them. Anna had hardly recognized him. He and Elizabeth had been distant when they'd made love a week ago. They were getting closer now. Still, was it enough? He'd been away for five months. Could any relationship withstand that pressure?

There was also Julie, an American Professor he'd gotten involved with over the past month. He would visit her apartment and they'd drink and listen to music or go out to restaurants. They were away from home. Four or five times he'd spent the night. He'd been nervous at first, but he'd gotten over it. It was the fear again, of doing something wrong, of getting caught which held him back. Now, it was more a fear of getting involved, getting serious with her. It was easy. The ties were strained. He might leave Elizabeth, but it might not be anything to Julie. She could have someone back home. Or, she could leave anytime. He could be left alone in the cold. It was bad enough just being out here.

If only he hadn't had to find work. He'd felt pressure to provide a home for Anna. Now, things felt different with Elizabeth, like they weren't sharing it. It was Elizabeth and Anna together, he, away in another world. To stay in Cairo wasn't good enough. He'd wanted to show them things, to have them travel too, experience it together. He needed to bring them into his world, to have them part of it, live it as a family.  He needed to feel they were a unit, otherwise they would disintegrate -- they, back into their world, he into another, one that had already tempted him.

"Elizabeth," he shook her. "We have to get ready for the boat."

She opened her eyes. "What time is it?"

"Two o'clock. You better take a bath. I doubt we'll get one on the boat."

She grabbed a change of clothes and headed for the shower. She stepped in and let the water cleanse her, shampooed her hair and scrubbed the sweat and dust that had invaded her pores. She stepped out, fresh again. The hot air would dry her hair. In the meantime, she'd be cool.

He had gathered up their things and packed them in the handbags. "I'll go downstairs and straighten up with the hotel. You can wake Anna and get her ready."

Elizabeth woke Anna, sponge-bathed her, then put a light yellow dress on her. "You will look very pretty on the steamer," she said. She rearranged the bag so a sweater was on the top for the evening.

The door opened. "Are you ready? We'd better go then. They'll be cuing up shortly I suspect." He collected their bags, put one over each shoulder and carried one. He still had one hand free as they walked down the stairs.

"You can sit here while I get a taxi." An overhead fan went round and round in the empty lobby. 

Alex returned from outside. "Come. I've got one. It took a few minutes. We had to bargain over the price."