Sunday, November 15, 2015

Ashi writes

A lost love letter

I was standing on a lonesome sea shore, away from the flock, trying to absorb the beauty of sunset. I saw a long packed bottle floating on the sea waves as if the waves were playing with it and wanted to throw it towards the shore to reveal some secret. A bottle was struggling to go inside the depth of the sea and wanted to conceal itself like a pearl hidden in a seashell. 

My curiosity was now on peak and I rushed on the rolling sea waves barefoot and jumped to catch the bottle. I got that in my hand and held it as if I won a trophy, I moved towards the seaside and sat on the wet sand. It was wonderful to see a rolled paper inside a bottle, like a map of treasure or message, used to keep inside by ancient sails. I indulged in opening that bottle but it was so tightly packed that I had to break it.

Then a paper roll came out, I looked around to make sure that no one was going to see this secret. No, there was no one, except me. I opened that slowly. On the very first look it seemed to be a message or letter, written to someone. I knew it was bad manners to read another’s letter but could not resist reading. It went like this --

Dearest Peter,

As you know I am the princess of my father, who brought me up with lots of love, care and attention. I am the one who is trained to do all things by parental choice and with their approval and for their contentment. I am not allowed to love anyone of my choice. I am born to follow all traditions and norms and to die within these borders.

I saw you in a social gathering, you were sitting next to my father. I observed you deeply and you were just a boy from next door then. God might have written something else for us and he turned all circumstances upside down. You and me came face to face then, a chance to know each other… to be friends or maybe more than that.

I went through the moment when I was filled with the fear of losing myself for you and to fall for a person who had nothing in common with me nor is acceptable by my family. I closed myself into a shell and came up as a dump for you. But it was too late… I had already fallen for you.

You flirted, played and then got a soft corner for me. You were confused with so many mixed sentiments. Finally you discovered it was love for me.

At last you dared to accept it boldly by holding my hand, to express three magical words… I love you. First, I thought that, it might be your prank and you will probably laugh in a second moment and make fun of me. But the next moment I was thrilled by reading the hidden note in your eyes; it was pure love for me.

I didn’t accept it because I am not that lucky to absorb that emotion in my life. These social norms would not let me admit nor could you dare to go beyond these borders. I have to accept all facts and I had to leave. I want to save you from being hurt. I have to move from your world by accepting a proposal of my family’s choice, to admit the blame of being a coward. 

I was upset shattered and broken inside, silently screamed and cried a lot.

I tried my best to accept another Stranger in my life with my elders' approval -- physically, as my soul was already surrendered to you.

I am feeling somewhere I am losing my patience and breaking from inside, I can’t cope up with these fake customs. When a soul had been already surrendered to you, then how could I adjust to another's?

If this body is made up of the three elements of soil, water and fire then I want to submit this holy stiff to any of these. It is a holy surrender to join you from the soul. I know you might be leading a life of your choice but give an inch to me to roam around you. There is something which I always left unexpressed and unsaid.

A desire to touch your soul through my words set me to fire and burned so much that I picked up my pen in this moment and it started to bleed, out of the warmth of my emotions. 

What are you to me? If I start thinking then this thought takes me out of the world, inside the galaxy of sublime feeling and that fades in the bright glow of my sentiments. When I try to measure the depth of my love for you the ocean surrenders and seems high, mountains come down to bow their head, clouds melt into water and cry in the shape of rain.

I always tried to hide my feelings for you in my heart just as a flower holds its smell inside, a wind holds a storm; earth holds trees and life, clouds hold water. My love is like a secret of nature still to be discovered and revealed.  The more you will be curious the more you leave unanswered. 

This affection has no reasons, it might be one of nature’s mysterious mysteries. I am unable to carry this warmth hold inside me and want to free my soul for loving you. I want to unwrap this secret emotions for you to let these float into universe. I am sharing through my pen, in the hope it might reach you.

Now it’s time to go and to untie all bonds and to free myself from all worldly strings.

Love you always.

Yours ever,

Julia Joseph

I felt as if I had turned into a living statue by the thought, could so much ‘love’ be felt by someone for the other? Do these love stories exist in real life too? Will I be able to experience it in any phase of my life? I am feeling touched and left with my soul shaken…

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