when you have no meaning and only gulls of death float above
estranged, devastated
I sink among unsteady borders
coppery waves carry me
unsparingly
and the night won’t resume
reasonable dimensions
the soft breeze of death
deposits drops of life
on my lips
my darling, my darling
how could you
go forward
so far!
how could you, my darling,
dig the dagger
thousands of time
with so much precision
straight into my heart!
Teresa Sánchez de Cepeda y Ahumada (St. Teresa of Ávila) was the grandson of a marrano (a Jewish convert to Christianity) who had been condemned by the Spanish Inquisition for allegedly returning to the Jewish faith, but her father bought a knighthood and successfully assimilated into Christian society. At seven she tried to run away from home to find martyrdom among the Moors. When she was 14 her mother died and Teresa became even more religious, and her family sent her to the Augustinian nuns at Ávila. Soon she began seeing visons. In 1559 she "saw an angel appear in bodily form close by my left side.... He was not large, but small, and extremely beautiful. His face was aflame with fire so much that he appeared to be one of the highest ranks of angels, those that we call seraphim or cherubim. In his hands, I saw a golden spear, with an iron tip at the end that appeared to be on fire. He plunged it into my heart several times, all the way to my entrails. When he drew it out, he seemed to draw them out, as well, leaving me all on fire with love for God. The pain was so strong that it made me moan several times, and yet the sweetness of the pain was so surpassing that I couldn't possibly wish to be rid of it. My soul couldn't be content with anything but God. It wasn't a physical pain, but a spiritual one, even though my body did feel it considerably. This pain lasted many days, and during that time, I didn't want to see or speak to anyone, but only to cherish my pain, which gave me a greater bliss than any created things could give me."
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