BARNACLES
The other night
I looked at a mark
On my wife’s arm
And gave it a scratch.
“Just wondering if it’s like
mine,”
I said. “Will it scrape off?
Remember the time you made me
Go to a dermatologist to
check out
A mole on my cheek
And he said it was a …..”
I lost the word.
“The doc said it was not
cancerous,
That it was just a body…. a
body…”
“Barnacle!” my wife shouted.
“A body barnacle.
And I said I always thought
I had married a crusty old
sailor.”
But, why couldn’t
I come up with the word?
I’m Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
Who’s that knocking at my
door?
It’s Barnacle Bill!
Late that night I replayed
The conversation in my mind.
Was the word loss a senior
moment?
Maybe a chemo-fog event?
I’d read that years after
chemotherapy
Cancer patients sometimes
have trouble
With losing words, attention,
thoughts.
“No big deal,” a friend said.
But for a writer to lose
words?
B… Bar?
Bar what?
It took me a few anxious
minutes,
Lying there late at night,
Searching for that one word.
B.. B… uh, Bar
“NICKEL!” the inner voice
yelled.
That’s it. Barnacle!
In the morning I tell my wife
About the night’s challenge.
“But, I finally remembered,”
I bragged.
“Bah…Bah …Oh, no, it’s gone
again.”
“Just scratch the surface,”
my muse said.
“It will come back to you.
It’s just stuck in there
Like a barnacle resisting
The scratch.”
BARNACLE!
Barnacle Knitwear -- Stéphane Martello
A barnacle is an arthropod which is a sessile (nonmotile) suspension feeder which lives in shallow and tidal waters, typically in erosive settings. The name of its subphylum "Cirripedia" means "curl-footed" in Latin. It is an encruster which attaches itself permanently to a hard substrate (such as the hull of a ship) via cement glands on its forehead. It is fastened there for the rest of its life, using its r feathery legs (cirri) to capture plankton for food. Lacking gills, it absorbs oxygen from the water through its limbs and the inner membrane of its carapaces. Its sessile lifestyle makes sexual reproduction difficult, since the organism cannot leave its shell to mate, so it has a long penis, probably the largest relative to body size in the animal kingdom. The Wobblies (Industrial Workers of the World) called people who stayed at the same job for a long time a "barnacle." A barnacle is an electronic part manually installed onto a printed circuit board to correct a functional deficiency, but in programming it is also an obsolete file or program, often of unknown purpose, associated with a project. A seborrheic keratosis is a non-cancerous skin tumor that originates from cells in the outer layer of the skin and appears to be "stuck on" the skin; for this reason it is commonly referred to as the "barnacle of old age."
ReplyDeleteEarly in the 20th century Walter Newton Henry Harding collected over 15,000 ballads, including the bawdy "Abraham Brown the Sailor":
ReplyDeleteWho is it knocks at our door, / Says a very nice young lady. / Who is it, knocks at our door / Says a very nice young lady.
It's I myself and nobody else, / Says Abraham Brown the Sailor, / Ti's I myself, and nobody else, / Says Abraham Brown the Sailor.
Oh! open the door and let him in, / Says this very nice young lady, / And where am I to sleep to night, / Says Abraham Brown the Sailor.
You may sleep on my soft puncushion, / Says this very nice young lady, / And I've a pun, I'll run it in, / Says Abraham Brown the Sailor.
I feel it rise between my— / Says this very nice young lady, / It's in your—up to the rim, / Says Abraham Brown the Sailor.
Ah! now it's in let it remain, / Says this very nice young lady, / I'll be d—d if I do, I shall want it / Says Abraham Brown. /Ah! now it's in let it remain, / Says this very nice young lady, / I'll be d—d if I do, I shall want it / Says Abraham Brown.
When shall I have your pin again? / Says this very nice young lady, / When I can make it stand again, / Says Abraham Brown. / When shall I have your pin again? / Says this very nice young lady, / When I can make it stand again, / Says Abraham Brown.
By 1927 the ditty evolved into "Bollocky Bill the Sailor" and then the more familiar "Barnacle Bill the Sailor," in honor of a legendary "forty-niner" named William Bernard.
"Who is knocking at my door,"
Said the fair young maiden.
"Who is knocking at my door,"
Said the fair young maiden.
"Open the door and let me in,"
Said Ballochy Bill the sailor;
"Open the door and let me in,"
Said Ballochy Bill the sailor.
"You may sleep upon the floor,"
Said the fair young maiden.
"To hell with the floor, I can't fuck that,"
Said Ballochy Bill the sailor.
"You may lie down at my side,"
Said the fair young maiden.
"To hell with your side, I can't fuck that,"
Said Ballochy Bill the sailor.
"You may lie between my thighs,"
Said the fair young maiden.
"What've you got between your thighs?"
Said Ballochy Bill the sailor.
"O, I've got a nice pin-cushion,"
Said the fair young maiden.
"And I've got a pin that will just fit in,"
Said Ballochy Bill the sailor.
"But what if we have a baby?"
Said the fair young maiden.
"Strangle the bastard and throw him away,"
Said Ballochy Bill the sailor.
"But what about the law, sir,"
Said the fair young maiden.
"Kick the bleeders our on their ass,"
Said Ballochy Bill the sailor.
"But what if there's an inquest?"
Said the fair young maiden.
"Then shove the inquest up your cunt,"
Said Ballochy Bill the sailor.
"And what about my paw and maw?"
Said the fair young maiden.
"Fuck your maw, and bugger your paw,"
Said Ballochy Bill the sailor.
"Whenever shall I see you?"
Said the fair young maiden.
"Whenever shall I see you?"
Said the fair young maiden.
"Never no more you dirty whore,"
Said Ballochy Bill the sailor.
"Never no more you dirty whore,"
Said Ballochy Bill the sailor.
An expurgated version was recorded by Carson Robison and Frank Luther in 1928, and in 1930 Robison recorded it again in 1930 with Bix Beiderbecke and Hoagy Carmichael. In the 2nd chorus, violinist Joe Venuti can be heard singing "Barnacle Bill the Shit-head." Beiderbecke never thought the record would be pressed and that it had been done just for laughs, but it features one of his best cornet solos.