GOD SPEAKS TO ME IN A BAR
One
day while I was sipping a beer
In
a God forsaken bar Heading to Hell just as fast as I could drink it down
Twenty
drinks too sober
On
the dismal wrong end
Of
a Friday Night booze run
While
I was half listening to some righteous
Funkified
new age music
With
a cosmic beat
And
some bad assed ghetto attitude
Leaking
out from the mellowness
It
proclaimed the lie
God
came up to me in that bar
I
did not know him
From
Adam
He
looked like any other
Jesus
god crazed bum
Looking
for a handout
And
peddling a little salvation
On
the side
For
his benighted soul
Just
another god crazed
Loser
dude
Too
much acid in the past
No
brain cells left
Nothing
but Jesus will
Save
his cosmic butt
So
I blew off
The
god dude
Told him off
I did not want
No salvation crap
To interfere
With my beer
My new age crap music
And my vision of carnal delight
Waiting for me Next door
In the next dismal strip club
On the wrong edge of society
Dancing naked
Waiting for me
And every other loser dude
To drop by
And see her in her naked glory
I told God
Make an appointment
My people will get in touch
With your people
We do lunch some day, dig
God looks at me
And says
God don't do no lunch, dude
Don't you know
Who the Jesus I am?
Insect, maggot?
No, I said
I don't know your royal butt
From Adam, Sir
God is getting angry
He yells
I am God
You drunken moron
I need you to pay
Attention to me
I looked up
At a 100 foot
Burning bush
God's voice
Is everywhere
Thunder and lighting
Light up the sky
And I know
I am dealing
With the real deal
So I say,
God, Dude
What it is!
I did not know it was you
I did not recognize you
God, mollified,
Says
That is better
Here's the deal
Judgment day is at hand
I need an arrogant, tough
Son of a bitch of a sinner
To help judge
The good, the bad and the ugly
I need help
In knowing where to send
People to heaven or to hell
I say, God, Dude
I believe I know
Where I am going
Hell yes
So what do you
Need me for
Your royal dudeship?
God replies
Well, son
I need a man
Who's been there
Done that
Seen that
And knows in his heart
Whether
a man
Can
be redeemed
To
join the celestial kingdom
So
you see
I
need
Someone
like you
Someone
from the lowest
Depths
of society
Someone
who has sunk down
So
low it looks like up to him
You
dig, you capish? Araso?
Oh
yeah,
Dude,
I do
And
you got you man
Let's
do it
Let's
do this judgment day
The new-born Moshe ("Moses") was put into a basket by his Hebrew mother and set adrift on the Nile, but was rescued and adopted by the pharaoh's daughter and grew up with the Egyptian royal family. However, he murdered an Egyptian slavemaster and fled across the Red Sea to Midian, where, on Mt. Horeb, he encountered God speaking to him from within a "burning bush which was not consumed by the fire." (The Hebrew word is seneh, which refers in particular to "brambles.") The voice in the bush insists that he is Yahweh (from the Hebrew word hayah, meaning he who is he, or I am that I am.) When Moses acknowledges God, Yahweh appoints him as his spokesman and sends him to lead the Israelites out of Egypt to a land of milk and honey.
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