PEARLMAN
PART II
The so-called ‘spirit
of adventure’ – a term now quite quaint and retro, often stems from a base of
comfort and security where one can have nice escapist reads, to alleviate boredom
and impatience with that straitjacketed, predictable base. It seems the
contrary of forced exile and migration, often the result of the destruction of
the self-same base. But sometimes the base undergoes slow decay rather than
rapid disintegration. However, the two have their affinities. The fortunes of
all individuals and families in a growing and changing society have their
upward and downward turns, each movement needing the other for a sense of
definition; they are two cog wheels, each dependent on the other’s contrary
motion. I felt that maybe I was on the cusp of prosperity, and had to do
something drastic before the cycle of decline got into motion – forestall my
nagging nightmare of the drastic bursting of the credit bubble. News of the seismic
shudders with the banks and the stock market gave me sustained shudders. Sometimes
comfort and security can wither away, or be destroyed in the course of the
adventurous absence, by the action of the elements or the forces of economics –
unless you have gained extra insight through living in a war-torn country. I
have no desire to titillate empty heads with tales of exotic exploits; I must
also convey what hurts. There’s an infinity of better legends from all over the
world – now really easy to garner; the search engines are so helpful. I want to
be in the thick of what really happened.
Through good fortune not of my
own making, I had been geared to comfort and solid bases, but was drawn towards
that place where human conflict echoed the action of the elements – guilty from
my sense of having been overprotected, observing those shanty towns and the
horrors of famine and war, but feeling safe, detached from them. But perhaps I
also felt a bit deprived – of first-hand experience. Physically, this side of
the stratosphere, there may well be nothing left validly to explore and
conquer, with any sense of freshness or novelty – only desperate waste lands with
nothing but their minerals to recommend them.
Perhaps I should have felt more like an
agriculturalist, but I never even had an allotment; the greenhouses were always
owned and tended by someone else – never got round to organic farm holidays,
although I gave token nods in their favour. I was always bad about watering my
indoor plants; but a moment of concentration, seeing them whither, breaking the
haze of my absent-mindedness, pulled me together.
To regain the freshness of research, one had
to reverse time, turn the global chronometer into a mirror image of itself,
moving in reverse. Through sustained deep meditation, reinforced by hefty
history tomes, I managed to transform my cranium into a time-chariot, with dual
– lateral and vertical – propulsion: nice to negotiate mountain ranges with
ease when time-hopping. Maybe some time I’ll be able to make a fire from flints
– never learned how to do so in the Boy Scouts, which I left prematurely – but
hope springs eternal, particularly if the elements force one to be resourceful
– though a suit of armour is a bit of a straitjacket, some sort of gender-crossing
counterpart to a whalebone corset. Of course, they didn’t have comfortable
casual wear in those days – maybe that made life nobler, or maybe that’s our retrospective
illusion. It would be great to have that burnished, swaggering, glittering
glamour – real tempered Toledo – without the heavy weight, but you can’t have
everything. For a while I could do my sadistic work and feel like a surgeon,
but I could not feel that way forever, though my wounds remained minimal. A
couple of medals clinked pompously on my chest. I became convinced I had a
charmed life, and was protected for a higher purpose. The concept of a
cleansing cataclysm definitely did not leave me with a clear conscience – I
felt that somehow I had provoked the elements by perpetrating some mysterious
wrong; in spite of much forgetfulness, I had always thought of myself as
environmentally friendly.
****
Burning rocks and liquid potions cut bold colours into
slabs, and joined solidly all images of things elsewhere linked by only air,
earth or flame. This process entails some sense of loss, like gold and silver
ornaments being melted down into ingots. Then through their blocks, between
them and around them – the hard, slippery slabs of danger, consonant with the
sun’s submergence under the earth’s blanket. Each curve and loop mirrored the
sun’s rise and fall, divorced from its zenith. It’s sometimes good to see human
detritus transmuted to elemental purity – but only a fractional goodness if one
ignores the massed human agonies intrinsic to the transformation. To a great
extent we are comforted by abandoned relics.
Our destiny is orbital: In the beginning was the end-point of progress, the
boundary of the human brain; whether or not this is attributed to another
planet, another system, is finally immaterial, for all is only known through
being thrown back in reflection. Since so much of our fate hinges on a
periphery, and depends on random fluctuations, we could ourselves be what lies
beyond it.
There was a
peaceful terrain before ice and sea, swamp and fire scattered the tribes – the
first, long-trailing, inter-continental immigrants, honed them into warring
factions, grim mirrors of the land. Some splinters sank into misted lakes.
Other barbed points seethe, turbulent in the scorching sand, alongside the
hardest lizards. Dispersal was sustained for aeons from the reptilian ages –
then plagues, storms and cataclysms drove all to valley’s bottom, sinking all
hatreds into earth, to be the earth’s ballast. The boulders which had scowled,
cracked and rolled, tortured by ice and flame, to menace all on inclines, were
now fused into the columns of their new-found dignity, through total edges
emulating their old mass, proud of their new-found, solid unity. The valley
swamps turned deeper, or half-dried to nurture total plenty. But afar, the
wails of eagles and condors echoed the winds, and made the tasks go on, over
the heads of their executors.
***
Through the first friction of its birth, the world was
clouded, the thread of fire undulated, forever uncut. Through the thickest fogs
it was borne, ever quivering from perpetual renewal – because loops of sun and moon, thickened and
superimposed, or cancelled on repetition according to the caprices of powers
beyond definition, sustained it. Through the thickest fogs it was borne,
ever-quivering to endless renewal. Within it, blood, ore, lava and blinding sun
wrestled in harmony, quavered as winged snakes. Its offshoots filtered into a
cowl – to thicken a temperate gauze. The cutting edges were forged, firstly by
friction and lastly by flame.
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